he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
