You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
