Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
