Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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