YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
