Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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