I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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