The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
