nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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