like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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