I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
