There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
