you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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