Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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