Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
