He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
