I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
