dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
