Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
whose parrot is this?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
