I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
