beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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