The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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