someone threw a dead crab at me
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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