If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
