I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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