i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
