i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
