i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
