i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
