You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
