I am in a vortex of obligation.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
