Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
