i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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