if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
two words: eviction party
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
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There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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