I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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