But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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