I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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