she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
