I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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