You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
