I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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