Can i not drive my cunt home
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Randomize
