Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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