dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
