Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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