just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
