I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
