Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
