he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
