God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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