The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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