My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
