yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
