Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
