He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
