Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
