the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
