How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Is it because I queefed?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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