I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
