I hope mine doesn't look like that
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
