im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
