Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
my sisters under your porch take her home
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
