The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize