you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
