Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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