it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
