i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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