Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
