im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I smell stomach acid.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
