Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
