last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
