i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
