apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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