My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You may now shotgun with the bride
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
