We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
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At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
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I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
God, I missed his penis.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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