The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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